shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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