apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
