I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
