i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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