I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
