Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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