I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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