trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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