Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
