i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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