i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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