Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
