My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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