So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
