Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
