I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
