can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
