I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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