I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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