if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
third nipple confirmed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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