good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
