Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
