i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and she was petting her beer can
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
