Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
