No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are all done wearing pants today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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