butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
