Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pants are for mortals
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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