If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
