I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
