she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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