I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
