By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
