i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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