when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
