You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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