I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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