I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
