Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
