How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
