I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
