4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
