I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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