It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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