were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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