A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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