Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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