also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
