You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
