Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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