out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
