I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
