I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
