I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
