Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
