I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
