I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
