I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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