i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
