i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
