If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize