We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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