why didn't you poke me back
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
