just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
