I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
