Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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