please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
