Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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