There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
