everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
