butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
