i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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