Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
