She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
