Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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