he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
