the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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