You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
