what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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