I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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