You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
