Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
