He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
