My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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