Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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